No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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