At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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