I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize