Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
