I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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