Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my shit smells like andre
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize