Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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