I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize