my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
