Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My vagina is officially offended.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize