Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
