Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
