We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
