Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize