Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
