I think I died a long time ago.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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