If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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