as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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