I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
