I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
