Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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