Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
