We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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