you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
a search helicopter?!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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