she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
