$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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