I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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