But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im holly from the hills drunk
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
