there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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