he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
