I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
