I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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