U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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