Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
