i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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