They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
