I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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