Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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