I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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