Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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