Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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