he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
