Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
