There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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