If i come over, it means nothing
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i drank out of a bidet.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
