wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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