It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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