mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
