Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
