Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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