You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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