just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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