"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
