Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
