If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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