I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
