I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
