My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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