At least make sure they are 18
Why
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
