Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
