Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize