I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
