Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's shark week go big or go home
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
