this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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