didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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