well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize