I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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