just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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